How-To’s of Dining Etiquette: What They Didn’t Teach in College

The silverware clinks against the fine china on the pristine table. Your shaky hand passes the crystal water pitcher to your boss. Your head is spinning, not only because you are attending your first business lunch, but in addition you are trying to be a good employee, a stellar guest, and a dining aficionado. For all you grads in your first entry level position, let us help you with some dining etiquette pointers so you can wow your boss, gain confidence, and enjoy the meal-time business meetings that cross your path.

1) Lunch Invitations  

Remember that the person extending the invitation is the host and is responsible for payment of the bill. When receiving or extending invitations, pay attention to special dietary needs. The host may ask about food allergies or sensitivities, kosher, halal, gluten-free, sugar-free and dairy-free diets. Be sure to RSVP or reply within 24 hours with any dietary restrictions.

2) Guest Duties

As a guest, observe the host for cues; for example place your napkin in your lap after the host; the host does so first to signal the start of the meal. When excusing yourself between courses, the napkin is placed on the chair seat soiled side down. At meal’s end, place your loosely folded napkin on the left of your plate after the host does. Don’t refold it.

3) Silverware & Service Signals

Once silverware is used, including handles, it must not touch the table again. Rest forks, knives, and spoons on the side of your plate. Unused silverware stays on the table. If you are resting between bites, place your fork, with tines up, near the top of your plate. To signal the server that you’re finished, place your fork and knife across the center of the plate at the 5 o’clock position. Service signals also include closing your menu to indicate you’re ready to order. If you are browsing an open menu, the server has the impression you aren’t ready.

4) Connections & Conversation

It’s the host’s job to keep conversation going during the meal; and guests must contribute with courtesy.  Just don’t monopolize the conversation, rather ask questions and express interest. Light topics include books, travel, vacation, movies, and pets; avoid politics and religion. If you need to talk to the server, don’t interrupt the flow of the conversation. Rather catch the eye of the server if you need assistance, or slightly raise your hand. If they are busy, softly call their name or “server?”

5) Tipping

The host is the person who extended the invitation, and they are responsible for paying the bill. If you have a new expense account, consider these U.S. guidelines: always leave a tip at restaurants: bartender: 10-20 % of bar bill, valet: $2.00-$5.00, coat check: $1.00 per coat, server: 15-20% of bill; 25% extraordinary service, sommelier: 15% of wine bill. The tip should reflect the total price of the bill before coupons, discounts, or gift certificates.

Sharon Schweitzer, J.D., is a cross-cultural consultant, an international protocol expert and the founder of Protocol & Etiquette Worldwide. She is accredited in intercultural management, is the resident etiquette expert for CBS Austin’s We Are Austin, regularly quoted by BBC Capital, Investor’s Business Daily, Fortune, Inc., The New York Times, and numerous other media. She is the best-selling, international award-winning author of Access to Asia: Your Multicultural Business Guide, named to Kirkus Review’s Best Books of 2015.